


One Last Time

by scalpelink



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, no one dies but that might have hurt less
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 07:36:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17720903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scalpelink/pseuds/scalpelink
Summary: Love does not always conquer.





	One Last Time

Bright light burned away the night for miles around. For Kara, it was inescapable. Distraction proved fruitless. Hours of flying over National City yielded nothing but silence. It felt to her as if the city was sleeping out of respect for the occasion. It made her itch for confrontation even more but instead, over and over, she was drawn to the light; a moth to flame.

Kara perched high on the L-Corp sign and watched the celebration below. Music floated up on the summer heat. Everyone was smiling. Good food and even better wine brought out real joy.

In the middle of everything, smiling unabashed, was Lena. By her side, a woman Kara wished should could find a reason to hate. All she could muster instead was longing and a near-crippling sense of regret. It was not Lena’s fault that Kara had kept her secrets. It was not Lena’s fault that eventually she had tired of the poor excuses and the wall that stood impenetrable between them.

It was not Lena’s fault that someone else had come forward to offer everything that Kara could not.

Her name was Isabel. She stood at Lena’s side, a fraction shorter even in heels, grinning just as wide as her fiancé. When they kissed, Kara forced herself to watch. Her senses were a curse that made it as if she stood right beside them. Blood flushed Isabel’s amber skin. Their pulses kicked and Lena loosed a sigh that Kara knew all too well.

Before she inadvertently crushed the L-Corp sign, Kara made to leave. The image of Isabel’s hand smoothing the curve of Lena’s spine was enough to bring tears to her eyes. She wanted to go home and bear out the misery alone. She was half-way to gone when she heard a shout she could not ignore. One of the party-goers had seen her in the glow and was alerting the entire congregation. More and more faces turned to the sky and Kara knew there was no way she could slink away.

She did her best to make it look as if her entrance was deliberate. She turned a tight curve mid-air and fell like a stone to the ground. The concrete survived but only barely. A round of applause followed and she ducked her head, fighting a blush of her own.

“Supergirl!”

Isabel rushed forward, grasping Kara’s arms. Coal-dark hair framed her oval face. Red lipstick put fire into her brown eyes. She was one of the most beautiful women Kara had ever seen and it made her feel sick.

“Isabel,” Kara said, trying to sound equally pleased. “Congratulations.” She hid behind her Supergirl persona to its full extent. If Rao had any mercy, He would help her through the night.

“Thank you, Supergirl. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t even be here.” Her exuberance faded into gentle affection as she looked at Lena

Kara laughed but it lodged uncomfortably in her throat. “All in a day’s work, right?”

“Right. But still.” Isabel pulled her into a quick, heartfelt, hug. She whispered her thanks and Kara could not find it in herself to be angry. She knew that even if she could go back, she would still save her.

After promising to return, Isabel disappeared into the crowds of people.

“Supergirl is making party visits now?”

Lena said it with a smile but there was genuine curiosity in her tone. Kara did her best to look, as well as sound, convincing.

“I wanted to show my support,” she said. “Offer my sincere wishes for your happiness. To both of you”

“I see,” Lena said, arching a brow. Kara’s stomach twisted unpleasantly. Silence stretched thin between them. Their professional relationship had always been strained and with ‘Kara’ no longer a buffer between them, Lena and Supergirl had drifted worlds apart. Their interactions of late had been little more than perfunctory.

“I should probably go.”

She was almost off the ground when Lena stopped her. She was pinching the bridge of her nose. Kara waited for her to collect herself, tamping down the urge to give-in to concern. In another lifetime, she would have been at Lena’s side. She would have smoothed the lines between her eyes and eased the cause of them. In another lifetime, she would have not been a guest at the party but part of the focus.

“I’m sorry. Things have been very hectic lately,” Lena said. “And I was hoping to see someone tonight.” She offered a wan smile. “Someone not you.”

“Who were you hoping for?”

“An old… friend,” Lena said. She wrapped her arms about her waist. “Everyone came but her.”

“Kara.”

“I sent the invite but she never replied. I understand, I do. I just wish I had been wrong.”

“Perhaps she thought it was just a token?” Kara swallowed heavily. “It might have appeared cruel to invite everyone but her. I know you share many of the same friends.” She looked around the room and as well as the majority of her friends, her own sister was in attendance.

“I guess you’re right. I did mean it, however. Part of it was courtesy, I’m sure, but it would have been nice to see her again. It’s been… a long time.”

Kara wanted to say something. She wanted to defend herself. She wanted Lena to explain why she was missing her now when she had refused to see Kara for the longest of times. It was all on her lips, ready to spill out.

“I have to go,” she said, quickly. She gestured to the city, back-pedalling, and nearly knocked over a champagne server. “Duty calls.”

She was gone before Lena could say more. She blasted out into the night, fast enough to strip the tears from her eyes. She flew as far and as hard as she could manage; anything to put distance between herself and Lena. Her words played in a loop. How earnest she had sounded about wanting to see Kara again was agony.

She landed in the middle of nowhere, nothing but sand for miles upon miles. The stars numbered in their billions without light pollution to conceal them. She looked up, trying to find Rao; find anything to hold on to. Nothing but a vast emptiness stared back. Anger and grief welled up inside her, fuelled by crushing loneliness, and she rent the heavens with a scream. Heat erupted from her eyes, cutting a jagged path through the night. She fell to her knees. Her fists struck the earth, blowing up a crater in the sand. When it settled, she did not feel any better.

After her misery had poured out, Kara was left with only one thing she knew for certain.

She owed it to Lena to honour her request, no matter how painful.

The return flight was not as fast but it was still over too quickly for Kara’s liking. She went home and pulled out the nicest things she had to wear on short notice. Blouse and dress trousers were woefully underdressed for Lena’s level of society but Kara hoped she did not look too much out of place. She grabbed her invitation – unopened on the counter – and made for L-Corp.

In no time at all she was on the threshold of the last place on Earth she wanted to be. She could see Lena, feel Lena, but before she could make for her, she was roughly pulled aside.

“Supergirl coming here was a terrible idea. This,” Alex looked her up and down, “is an even worse idea.”

“No argument here,” Kara said. “I would rather been in the Phantom Zone right now. Daxam. Anywhere.” She threw her hands up. “I wouldn’t be here at all if Lena hadn’t told Supergirl that she wished her old friend Kara had come.”

“Christ…” Alex took a long gulp of her champagne. She was already searching for something stronger. “This is such a bad idea.”

“So bad-”

“She’s happy, Kara.” Alex put her glass aside and cupped Kara’s cheeks. Kara blinked owlishly at her sister, surprised by the vehemence in her tone. “And you, you are so miserable and you keep doing this to yourself.”

“She wants to see me,” Kara said, helpless. She leaned into her sister, soaking up her comfort. “If it’s what Lena wants, it’s the least I can do. I owe her.”

“Kara, you owe her nothing.”

“I broke her heart, Alex.”

“You broke yours, too. You’re even.”

Kara sighed, slowly disentangling herself from Alex. “I wish you were right.”

“Kara, stop this. Please. I’m begging you. Please just go home.” Tears welled in Alex’s eyes. “I nearly lost you once, and I can’t do it again, Kara. I can’t watch you go through all that again.”

“I’m sorry, Alex.”

The fight rushed out of Alex in a heavy breath. She did her best to smile but her lip trembled too much to be convincing. Losing Lena had been hard on both of them. Years had passed and it was no less raw.

Alex let her go. Her whispered ‘good luck’ was just enough to reach Kara over the music. She held tight to her sister’s voice as she moved through the partygoers. She would need all the strength she had ever possessed – every ounce of her sister’s faith – if she was to survive.

Lena and Isabel were holding attention by the open bar. Their arms were linked. The guests were full of smiles for them. Kara had not seen Lena so relaxed and happy in what seemed forever. Alex’s warning came back fresh and strong, and Kara was reconsidering her plan, ready to leave Lena to her happy ending, when Lena looked her way and she was caught.

She could do nothing. Not smile, or even make a move toward Lena. She was arrested in place, helpless as the world dropped away and all that remained was Lena, standing in front of her, looking as if she was seeing a ghost. It was all Kara could do just to breathe.

“You came…”

Kara swallowed. “A… friend, gave me a push.”

“Supergirl?” Lena shook her head. “I would hardly call her a friend. But I am glad you came. It’s good to see you.” 

She sounded genuine. Kara did her best to ignore her heart as it kicked against her breast. She was here to wish Lena well and walk away, once and for all.

“You look good,” Kara said. “You look great.” She was already looking around for the exit. “Isabel’s really lucky.”

Lena tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. She too looked as though she was searching for an escape. More than once she seemed to want to say something, only to be strangled by the silence. Eventually she settled on a smile; one that did not reach her eyes.

“Stay,” Lena said. “Have a drink. Enjoy the food, at least; Isabel out-did herself.”

Kara nodded, dumb. Lena continued to look, continued to wait, but Kara could summon nothing. All the thoughts in her head were not any that Lena wanted to hear. When it was obvious there was nothing more to say, Lena walked away and did not look back. Emptiness welled up once more, crashing against Kara like a tidal wave. 

She made for the bar. Human alcohol would do nothing for her but the act of downing a flute of champagne and immediately reaching for another was cathartic. She could feel Alex glaring at her from the other side of the party but she was not about to turn around.

The music changed. Kara looked up just as Isabel took Lena’s hand and led her out of the crowds. Lena was protesting but laughing. Her dress lifted in the breeze as Isabel spun her about. When they drew back together, they immediately fell into step, as if they had done it a hundred times over.

They were actually dancing. When Kara and Lena had danced together, it had never been with any finesse. Lena had always stepped on Kara’s toes. Isabel led her effortlessly and without issue. They drifted through steps and turns that had Kara absolutely mesmerised. Lena’s dress climbed up her calves with every spin. Her hair was falling out of its style and blood rushed to her cheeks.

Kara crushed her champagne flute.

A server hurried onto the dance floor. He caught Isabel’s attention, launching into a manic account of something gone horribly wrong in the kitchens. Isabel reluctantly pulled away but not before she kissed Lena soft and sound. She was left on the dancefloor, looking awkward. Alone.

“May I?”

Kara had no idea what possessed her; how she had blinked and she was standing in front of Lena, the words already out of her mouth. Lena looked up at her, confused and simultaneously wondrous.

“I… s-sure.”

Kara wanted to be struck down. She would have taken anything that got her away from Lena’s hand settling on her shoulder. When their fingers intertwined, she distantly wondered if she was sticky from the champagne. She tried not to shake as her other hand moved into Lena’s lower back, applying gentle pressure.

They barely did more than sway to the music. The pose was rigid. Lena looked everywhere but at her.

“You look beautiful,” Kara said. She tried for a little turn, nothing like what Isabel could do, but it was enough to set the green silk of Lena’s dress floating once more. When Lena settled back into her hold, they were a little closer than they had been.

The first time they had ever danced was in Kara’s living room. A thunderstorm raged outside, furious enough to wipe-out power to half the city. They had lit candles. The rain was a constant hammering against the window panes. It had been the most natural thing to pull Lena up into her arms and simply exist together. Not even Lena standing on her feet at every opportunity had ruined it.

“What are you grinning at?”

“Nothing.”

Lena gave her a push. A smile was starting to curve her lips. “Tell me.”

Heat crept up Kara’s neck. “Do you remember the thunderstorm?”

Lena groaned. Her head fell against Kara’s shoulder with a solid thud. “You made me stand on your feet whilst we were dancing. Like a toddler.”

“It was cute,” Kara said, shrugging. “It also saved my toes from, you know, blunt-force trauma.”

Lena grumbled and Kara could not help but laugh. She quickly moved her hands, cupped Lena’s waist, and lifted her just enough so she was forced to stand on Kara’s feet. Her outrage was immediate. She beat at Kara’s shoulders but she was too busy laughing to pay any heed.

“Put me down, Kara. Put me down or I swear I’ll tell Alex about you-know-what.”

“You wouldn’t dare…”

“Oh, wouldn’t I?”

Kara hastily put Lena back down on the floor. Her triumphant grin was enough to make Kara scowl but they carried on swaying to the music, moving closer together. Their joined hands now rested on Kara’s chest.

“You never did fight fair,” Kara said, sulking.

“I am a Luthor, you know.”

Kara shook her head. She glanced around the room, as if she was truly worried that someone might over-hear, before leaning forward to whisper against Lena’s ear.

“It’s worse than that,” Kara said, holding just a little tighter when Lena shivered. “Worse than a Luthor.”

“And what would that be?” Lena’s breath was warm against Kara’s neck. For a moment she forgot what she was going to say. Her mouth was dry and her throat was tight. Lena’s floral perfume made her head spin.

“You’re a tattletale.”

They both started laughing. Lena rested fully against Kara’s body and they talked about better memories. Lena mentioned their impromptu trip to Europe and the time they both had been stuck in an elevator at L-Corp. Between a change of song, Kara talked about their trip to Midvale that never really happened because they stopped at a rest area and never got back in the car. There were mornings in bed together. Birthdays and holidays. A litany of ‘firsts’; date, kiss, love.

Inevitably, their stories raced toward their end. Fewer and fewer good memories came to mind. Kara did her best to block out the morning of their final fight but she could see it clearly on Lena’s face.

“We had a lot of fun,” she said, eventually. She was looking right up at Kara, their noses almost touching.

“We did,” Kara said. They had. Lena had been the best thing in Kara’s life, next to Alex. She wished she could take the last years back, undo all of the pain, and have Lena back. To be free to lean just a little closer and feel Lena against her for real. She was so close.

“Kara…?”

She jerked like she had been shocked. She pushed Lena from her arms and stumbled a few paces back. Her heart was pounding in her ears. Lena’s hurt was writ across her face as plain as the day she had left Kara for good.

“I’m sorry,” Kara said. “I shouldn’t- I’m sorry.”

She ran. No sense of any direction. All she knew was that she had to get away. The nearest exit was the one to the adjacent roof and she burst through the heavy steel door, taking the stairs several at a time. Once on the roof, she could at least draw breath without it tasting like Lena; like loss.

“Alex was right,” Kara said, trembling. She paced back and forth. “Rao, I shouldn’t have come here.” She collapsed against the communications pillar, ignoring the groan of metal against her strength, and willed her heart to go easy. It had been effortless to fall back into step with Lena. It was as if they had never parted. She ached for her all over again and after pretending for years that she felt nothing, it was worse than a kryptonite bomb going off in her face.

“Kara?”

Kara’s heart sank into her feet.

“Kara, where are-” Lena appeared at the top of the stairs, clutching her dress. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she said, hating that it sounded terse but not able to do anything about it. Lena was coming toward her, heedless. Her green wrap-around dress was subdued in the night but the stars brought out her eyes. She looked Kara up and down.

“You don’t look fine,” she said. “You ran away like…” Lena swallowed. “Like you used to. Only this time it didn’t feel like you were just abandoning me, so much as escaping.”

Kara immediately apologised but she refused to look up from her feet. If Lena saw her face, she knew there would be nothing to shield her from the truth. It hurt too much already without Lena’s compassion to drive the knife home. She had always been understanding, always patient, but even Lena had her limits.

“Kara, talk to me…”

“Please, don’t.”

Kara looked up and wished she had not. Lena was directly in front of her. She was pale and soft, and made Kara unbearably weak. She wanted to tell her to go. To go back to the woman who trusted her with everything and made her happy. All that came out of her mouth was a broken plea for mercy.

Lena cupped her jaw and she leaned into it. The thumb tracing her bottom lip set her heart beating madly. Distantly, Kara knew it was wrong. Nothing good would come of surrender. It would only rip open old wounds and Alex had been generous when she said that Kara barely survived the first injuries. Every bone in her body told her to stop but everything in her soul was too busy remembering.

“Le-”

Lena cut her off with a kiss. She was yielding. Barely there and gone again before it had really started.

“What are you doing?”

Lena shook her head. Her eyes traced every feature of Kara’s face, as if in desperate search. Her hands were quivering against Kara’s hips.

“Kiss me,” she said, hoarse. “Kara, please, just-”

She pulled Lena against her body, angled into her kiss, and stopped fighting. She pulled Lena’s thick, dark hair loose and tangled her fingers through it. Lena keened, opening her mouth and meeting Kara touch for taste.

It was exactly as Kara remembered. Even better. Lena was hot and brazen. She did not ask permission and took Kara hostage with her mouth, her hands, and the sheer need for her. The first touch of her tongue was absolutely devastating.

They had always been stars in decay, falling into battling orbits, on the cusp of going nova.

Kara spun them about, pressing Lena into the harsh concrete. Lena arched into her mouth, into the hand at her hip, and tugged restlessly at Kara’s blouse.

“I need you,” Lena said, breathless. She arched her neck as Kara painted kisses down to her shoulder. She looked up to find Lena’s eyes blown wide and lipstick smeared across her chin. Her chest was heaving. Her heart was loud enough for Kara to distractedly wonder if it was safe.

“I need you too.” She kissed Lena’s thundering pulse. “I always needed you.”

Something in Kara’s core splintered. It was wrong, she knew. Wrong to press against Lena and revel in the irascible entreaties that Lena panted into her skin. Isabel was looking for her fiancé and Kara could not stop herself from sliding a hand up the split in Lena’s dress to grope her thigh.

Lena worked her fists into Kara’s blouse and tugged on it blindly. Kara’s hips jumped each time. If she was not so desperate, she would have been embarrassed by how easily Lena played her.

Lena’s hands wandered. “God, Kara. It’s summer. You’re layered up?”

Kara’s heart stopped cold. It was already too late. Lena had lifted her blouse and there was no mistaking what she had found. Slowly, painfully, Lena lifted her blouse. Kara fought the tears but they were already dribbling hot and fast down her cheeks.

Silence stretched out for what seemed an eternity. Lena’s voice, when she finally spoke, was like ice.

“This was it,” Lena said, still staring. She traced the insignia on Kara’s uniform. “This was your big secret.”

“Lena-”

Kara stumbled back. Lena looked at her as if she was a monster.

“You’re Supergirl… All this time.” She roughly wiped her mouth, shaking with barely supressed fury. Kara thought she was going to vomit.

“I wanted to tell you.”

“You wanted to tell me?” Lena was incredulous. Her voice pitched high. “Let me guess. It wasn’t because I was a Luthor, right?”

“Lena, please.”

She jerked back, away from Kara’s imploring. “Don’t touch me.”

“I wanted to tell you,” Kara said, truly crying now. She did not bother to try and control it. “Every day I wanted to tell you the truth. It killed me up to keep this part of me from you.”

Lena scoffed but Kara pressed on. Now the words were coming, she had no hope of stopping them. She told Lena everything. She told her how it had shredded her to pieces every time she had to disappear. For a while she had considered giving up Supergirl for good. Nights on end she had lain awake in bed, absolutely tortured.

“So you were just a coward,” Lena said. “Great.”

“You hated me!” Kara tore her blouse right down the middle. The House of El on her chest was more of a brand than a badge of honour. Lena looked away. “You hated this. Every time I was Supergirl, I disappointed you. When I was Kara, you tried to separate us. You told me over and over that Supergirl was bad and that she couldn’t be trusted.”

Kara sank into herself. “What was I supposed to do, Lena?” She wiped her eyes but more tears rolled free. “I couldn’t lose you…”

“Really, Kara? What were you supposed to do? You were supposed to tell me the truth,” Lena said, matter-of-fact. “You were supposed to trust me.”

Kara watched Lena walk away. Again. Emptiness gaped open inside her ribs. She wrapped her arms around herself is if it had any chance of keeping her from falling apart.

“It was never Supergirl,” Lena said. She had stopped at the entrance to the stairs. “All this time, I thought it was her that was the cruel one.” She looked Kara over, not bothering to conceal her loathing. “Turns out it was you that was the hypocrite all along.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on the tumblr again, under the same pen. Come by and rant. Throw things. Whatever strikes your fancy.


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